here: (it's a biggun)

inspired by jenne's photographic chronicle of amsterdam, and the singularly outstanding weather on sunday, i bring you...my neighborhood:

this could be exciting!s

i just had a phone call from the production manager at VEE corp ...they basically just keep a file of people they could overhire, and we set up a 9am tuesday appointment. i'm not going to assume anything, but just getting to tour the building when the portfolio showing is done will be worth the anxiety and excitement.
the table next to me is three young people cramming for a bartending final exam. it's taken me most of an hour to figure out what flash cards reading "donkey punch" and answers involving green onions could possibly be. it was the listing off of gins that finally explained it to me. the spyhouse rocks. yesterday the weather caused me to forgo nutrition in favor of a bagel and cream cheese and a drink called a mata hari --espresso, steamed milk, cinnamon, almond, and honey. oooeygooey goodness.
and speaking of weather, miss smarty pants lora feels that yesterday was lovely fall air. she might right ---from inside her climate controlled cubicile!!! it's 45* right now but feels like 41*, according to weather.com ....and it is beautiful, from inside the coffee house. bright blue skies, fun little cotton candy clouds. but i have to go stand in it for 8 hours starting at 3 (which means by the second show it'll be dark, and a whole lot colder!) and i'm not really looking forward to it. so there!

oh.

THIS is what they mean by the artic air... i've been in fifty degrees before, and i was prepared for the fact that it wouldn't be like fifty at home, or even fifty in illinois. but this is insane. i hope the remainder of my posts until the summer aren't complaints about the cold. but DAMN.

why i'm the coolest girl you know...

because last night i waited in line for four hours at a hiphop music store called the fifth element for a midnight cd release of atmosphere's "you can't imagine how much fun we're having" (check out both)
because it's signed, as slug and ant were sitting at a table by the cash register with sharpies.
it came with a called URB which i'm totally enjoying...and i picked up another one outside the store called mugshot (website currently under contstruction) --this is a super sweet layout of artists of all kinds, with relatively few ads and interesting write ups. i liked it a lot and if the dj/hiphop scene interests you, you should find it. it's free. can't beat that with a stick.

COSTUMERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!

this was on the wall opposite my house door on monday morning. it's made my week.

losing my gruntles, learning new things, and searching to find my skin

well now i've been spammed too. so i changed the settings on the comment page, hopefully no one else will try to sell me dating websites.
it's been a busy couple days, in tech rehearsal for BORDERTOWN CAFE a hundred miles south of here. i think i like my work, i really wish i could go back tonight or later in the week to see it more complete, but i have to work cirque shifts instead. i've done some cool distressing, learned some new models as well as new techniques... do you know what a farmer who's been combining looks like as opposed to one who's been in the dairy barn? yeah, me either, but the lighting designer's also a farmer, so that's been invaluable. baby oil is my new best friend, and anyone who's ever doubted the veracity of their teacher's warnings about how pervasive dye granuales are should (not) try to use Rit Dye in a kitchen trash can in their bathtub. not recommended, probably not healthy either, but i really had no choice that i could see. it's raining, i couldn't even do it outside. but successful. and if you're wondering, comet makes a no scratch bleach solution paste cleanser that's pretty good. between the dye and the bleach, i think i've had all the toxins i get for the week.
still waiting on word about the costume design assistant position at operatheatre of st.louis, but i did call them and learn that the process has been delayed (by the production mgr's honeymoon --at least it's a happy reason), and they'll know in two or three weeks...
what i really need to do is find a little more stability in myself to face where i am. it's where i wanted to be, but i'm so antsy and anxious that i can't seem to settle into my skin. i just want to be alright with myself in my space and don't understand why i'm having so much trouble with this. sometimes it makes me feel like i'm crazy. there's so much here to feel good about, and it seems like a lot of the time i'm worried about things i can't control or trying to predict the future instead of being in the moment. it frustrates me...

there's no place like home

perfect album to listen to in a crowded airport terminal where there's been no electricity all morning? GREEN DAY'S AMERICAN IDIOT.
my long weekend in st.louis was divine --the botanical gardens are amazing, not to be missed if you have the chance. the zoo's great too, and it's free (as is the museum and other attractions in forest park), but even with the admission fee taken into account the gardens are well worth it. and you can see the top of jacob's building from inside! we walked through the zoo on saturday, they have an elephant who's expecting a baby any day now, and i saw my first anteater that i can remember... but my favorite are always the hippos. in st. louis they have a plexiglass portion to their environment, and you can watch them swim. we ate well, we usually do... fabulous pizza you should check out too should the opportunity present itself.
now i'm back at the spyhouse with hummus and pita. i have quite a shopping and distressing list before tech starts for BORDERTOWN CAFE on monday, and i finally got shifts with cirque (gate patrol, basically). so it looks like a busy time coming up. i'm glad for it.
here are a few more promised pictures:

HELLO DOLLY!




YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN

(look! his scarf was wired so he always appeared windswept)


(the costume shop built these dresses and painted all the trim on the shirts, the dots on sally's dress, the bow's on lucy's. and jacob made snoopy's tag for me...good to have a metal smith handy!)

...and HOME, in all senses of the word:

this is my workspace as seen from the living room (really one long space divided into one third workspace, two thirds living room. this photo taken from my futon. while sitting on the futon, if one turns to the left, the kitchen is visible:



from the palomarin trail on labor day:

at a loss.

i had to say good bye to a friend today

COOL!

ok... not sure i've grasped the labeling them part. but i'll see what i can do....
the lake pics are l'homme dieu...then the theatre up there, the lodge (meals, rehearsal, costume storage upstairs), the costume shop from the outside, and then some photos of THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK: Channaukah; Anne bored on the couch, being 13; and the entrance into the secret annex, introductions being performed. I'll get the HELLO DOLLY and YOU'RE A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN in the right place so i can post those next. and i'll take some in my apartment tonight so i can show you that too!!! i'm really excited about this.

photo?

i'm pretty sure i've finally figured this out.
and i'm definitly sure it's embarrassingly simple.
right.

i'm just gonna post this to see if it worked, and then i'll try again with more. it's my mom and me at minnehaha falls here in minneapolis.

a beautiful day to fly...

it's windy and clear and 75 here in beautiful lake wobegon...no, wait, urban minneapolis.
according to northwest's website, my flight is on schedule. we'll see about that i suppose.
things are good here, i helped some friends paint and move yesterday, and am sloooowly getting things done in my own place. i'm actually out of space for things to go, so i'm glad to get away from the tile game (remember the car game when you were a kid, with one tile missing and you just had to push things around in the right way to make a picture?) for a couple days. maybe when i come home a solution will present itself. i've only got a few days to figure it out before people come over for a housewarming party (intentional deadline set by myself, otherwise i'd have lived half unpacked till christmas)....
anway...i feel like i had something to say but i don't remember what it was. so i'll go. =) have a good day, happy labor day, let me hear from you!

BOOM!

thunder and lightening at five am....right on top of the house.
right on top of each other FLASHBANG! rumblerumble FLASHBANG!
the cat's still under the clawfoot tub, twelve hours later.
the bathroom cabinet from our backyard has "mysteriously" come in and is now on the floor at the bottom of the stairs to the second story. ie, right outside my kitchen door. whatever....

more neighborhood bla bla

the bright yellow building kittycorner from the spyhouse, with the spanish banner for tarot readings and other spiritual services, has a toilet sitting on the lawn in front of it.
come to think of it, there was a bathroom mirror/medicine cabinet on the back lawn of my place last night... i wonder if some bathroom appliance fairy was flying low yesterday afternoon, dropping off needed items in yards that don't need them.
heh.

hip hip!

three cheers for great theatre.
saw the guthrie's THE CONSTANT WIFE last night (kind thanks to zack for thinking of me when he was offered free tickets!), and it was awesome. a 1920's comedy about fidelity and the economic practicality of marriage, with a lot of well disguised politics to it, the more i think about it this morning. brilliantly paced and timed, really just classic. a great opening night for them, i hope it's a good run too....
to say that the production values at the guthrie are impressive would be, um, and understatement. i didn't love every choice the costume designer made, but the fabrics were delicious and even if it does betray my compulsive inability to drop the attention to things like this, they were beeautifully made. i don't, actually, usually look so acutely at construction, but the fabrication was undeniably stunning in this case....i think the whole show must have been built, it was that perfectly suited to the actors and the show, and the men's suits were at least as gorgeous as the women's clothes.
three cheers indeed!

query

does anyone else find it... ironic, or somehow, um, fake, to watch a waiflike man with nearly blue pale skin, eyeliner, and shoulder length ink black hair get into a white mercedes hatchback kompressor and drive away from a coffe house?
YES, BOYS AND GIRLS, THE CYNICISM HAS RETURNED, rising in a phoenix-esque manner from the shores of last week's blind paralytic panic.
i'm at the spyhouse, eating a decadent almond croissant, (purchased from a girl with surface piercings on her forearms, walking gingerly as the tops of her feet are freshly tattoo'd) watching the zoo that is my neighborhood and loving it. as i told my mom the day i brought her back from the airport --where i live the punks are real. a few blocks over in gentrified uptown, they're a little affected. but here it's all real. as another thought about the neighborhood, i noticed the other day that with the few exceptions of small dogs, all the dogs i've seen in the neighborhood in a week and a half qualify as dangerous breeds. i'm not afraid, the sweetest, brightest dog i know is a pit named athena (but i have heard about the recent death in the sunset), i'm just surprised since so many ads i looked at specified no agressive breeds... it's interesting. i'm not generally prone to petting dogs i don't know anyway, but maybe it just adds to the edginess of the hood.
so as you can see, in addition to having found my sense of cynicism, i am also much more relaxed about the place i live. much of this could be attributed to the simple act (within half an hour of her arrival) of my mother finding the locking mechanism on my windows, so i don't feel unsafe leaving them open when i'm not there. i think the rest of it is just the comfort of mom... i was worried that moving is stressful and money is worse, but really we handled both of those things and nobody yelled or cried. mama makes all things manageable.
we went to ikea, i know it's stupid cookie cutter, but i don't care, it's also affordable and simple and i like what we found (a tall narrow bathroom cabinet we purchased and brought home, and a bookshelf that we didn't b/c it wouldn't fit in my car, as well as a super cool table that folds down to a 6" wide console when the leaves are down...which was out of stock. so i'll return with lora and her family's suv soon....) i have shopped and looked other places too, but money and time are of the essence ---the office portion of the living room remains a maze of boxes until i get more shelves to unload them into and make it a useful work space.
we went to alexandria for the weekend, stayed with the gracious godfather of theatre l'homme dieu, vern and his lovely wife paula. they have a great place on the lake, and took us out on their pontoon for my mom's birthday. she was enthralled and it was great. we went to the theatre campus, but it's very very strange when empty. first of all, it only takes 10 minutes to show the whole place. when it's full, with rehearsals going and lunch cooking and saws running and sewing machines humming, it's hard to get from one building to another with your train of thought intact. with no one there it seemed a little... little. but it's beautiful, which one sometimes overlooks during hive-time.
we had dinner at the black forest, a forty year old german restaraunt a block from my house (boasting, among others, a bill board that says: "non-germans find it excelllent. germans find it surprisinly adequate." my mom laughed heartily... also one that reads: "bring the kids. we serve brats.") she met courtney and katie there, friends from last summer's season... lora took us to minnehaha falls, which was beautiful, and we had lunch with kenzie and grant the other day...so she's met some folks, which was important to me too.
we did some math, which told us that on a very tight budget i can deal until something comes up that i can live with --i not only have great distaste for almost every job we've found in the star tribune, the citypages, and craigslist, i'm vastly underqualified for almost all of them. i need something, and soon, but at least i can spend a couple bucks at the grocery store and a couple bucks at the coffee house for internet access and be alright.
that's about all i have to say, but i did want to share one last thing.... http://www.taize.fr/
i was in taize for holy week the year i was in berlin. it was one of the most singular and communally beautiful weeks of my life, and this sentiment is no doubt being echoed in grief around the world this week. brother roger was a man of peace so profound it almost can't be described... his brothers and sisters must keenly feel his absence in taize, and millions around the world feel it quietly in their own way. peace be with you

warning

that's all, just warning.
i don't know how to describe my mood or explain any of the thoughts i've had in the last 24 hours. i left l'homme dieu yesterday, with the last of my stuff and my cat (who's alternating between under the bathtub and under the work table, but has also been on the bed with me, and eaten a little....i'll take it.)
about here: it's hot. i have no money...due to my own failure to mail checks promptly and the u.s. mail's failure to deliver as expected, i'm actually overdrawn. the fact that i'm publishing that information on the internet should tell you a little about my state of mind.
overwhelmed.
a little anxious...even distantly frantic if that makes any sense.
totally unprepared for what it would feel like emotionally to be here, with an apartment, and a few possible design gigs on the horizon, but no actual income beyond my rent/health insurance fund. totally unprepared for the fact that living in a city would be scary to me. ME? i don't know what's wrong with me...if it's the isolation of the last two months up at the lake, or if i just don't remember what it took to adjust the other direction when i got to champaign-urbana....but i live on really busy streets. i feel like i can't safely leave my windows open when i'm not home. urbanites take themselves seriously, and i don't know if i'll really make friends or if i'll just have co-workers. suddenly the whole thing seems like it might have been a bad idea. should i have come home? should i have gone to chicago? i have no idea. i'm reasonably sure that no matter where i went after grad school there would be an adjustment period and it would be strange.
****WHOA, SIDENOTE: i'm sitting at the "famous" spyhouse coffehouse, which is in my backyard, to use their wi-fi (and air conditioning), and two boys/young men just walked past outside, with carefully positioned sideways hats, carefully bleached and distressed jeans, and --i'm not shitting you-- beltbuckles with moving l.e.d phrases, like the ticker on a deli that lists the numbers being served....and i'm pretty sure the letters moving across them read "fornicator". I COULDN'T MAKE THIS UP IF I TRIED, I REALLY COULDN'T.
so there are somethings about urban living that are...entertaining.
i don't really think that i'll give up, or have a breakdown anymore severe than the tears of frustration i've already had...and i think that it will all work itself out in whatever way it's supposed to. but i'm feeling pretty rough about it all right now. it's hard to motivate to unpack...i need a lot of furniture. my mom is coming tomorrow, and we'll get a second bookcase, and at least one dresser, and then i'll have things to unpack into. but i can't believe i ever thought it would be a bad idea for her to come help, i can't imagine doing this without her. i'm also having a little trouble adjusting to the idea that seeing jacob will require several hundred dollars in travel cost, and be much less often than we're used to. that freaks me out a little, too. not in the sense that i worry about us as an "us"...but it's uncomfortable.
THAT'S THE WORD: UNCOMFORTABLE. everything about my surroundings right now is uncomfortable. and make me want to... i don't even know.
and now it's pouring rain! hopefullly that will eleviate some of the humidity and heat. that will also make me more inclined to unpack, if the weather weren't so nasty drippy hot. definitely glad that i moved the futon inside from my car (by myself, today's lesson that you can do things you don't think you're able to) before this started. my mom bought it to save herself the cost of a hotel, but it's here now so come sleep on it!
i should get a few other things done....hopefullly there will be brighter posts in the future, more immediately think good thoughts for me. (thunder and lightening! there are things to love about the midwest!)

the answer is valium

in which: the cat eats and mouths off, i take a step toward getting established in minneapolis and you get my address, and jacob steps toward st. louis
the cat and i went back to the vet yesterday....an iv bag full of fluid (this time instead of settling across her shoulders in a lump waiting to be absorbeb, the lump was down one side, which made her equilibrium useless), and some valium. actually diazapam. essentially the cat's been in anxiety attack mode for two months, and now that she's had something for it, eating is not only something to do but something to talk about....and rub up against people about, and headbutt people about, and yeah. life's good. she staggers a little still, but her lips and ears are getting pinker. and she's crafty --she's eaten all the "old" purina kibble out of the bowl, and left most of the "new" good-for-her-liver kibble. alread this morning when i shot her pill down her throat (we're getting better at that), she felt heavier. now she's got a little more to put up a fight with about the pills, actually.
i rented a box truck and am moving from storage to my apartment tomorrow! that will be nice...i probably won't unpack, but i'll get it all loaded in, and the bed made, and then there'll be a place for the cat and me in the world besides here....
**NEW ADDRESS:**
Andrea Gross
16 East 25th Street #2
Minneapolis, MN 55404
seriously, can anyone help me with uploading pics? i'll post the ones from the season and the lake, and my new place once it's photo worthy, if i can just do it simply!
and finally, jacob left this afternoon for home, to go to st. louis and sign contracts on friday... the job is so good, and will allow us a certain amount of planning (the california new years is definitly on!!), and even the distance will be good when we adjust to it. . half the life i've had here isn't here now. we had a great weekend though...took our time with goodbyes to places and things, danced all night at "$10prom" last night. the summer's been solid for us, whatever it's been in other capacities....
at the moment i kind of feel like i have the bends, and that's all i want to say about it

sad cat...

i had to pick the cat up in st.cloud on sunday. she'd been hiding out behind the tv all summer, and when one of the guys she's staying with finally saw her saturday they realized she really hadn't been eating that whole time either. she'd pee'd in their living room and in a bedroom, she was staggering from her weight loss.
i brought her back, she's upstairs in our cabin. she's been to the vet twice in three days, they've filled her with an IV of fluid, taken her temperature (normal, no sign of infection that way), given us a calorie paste that she wants no part of, shaved her and taken blood...and found something's not right with her liver. that was yesterday.
now she has pills, which she tricks me out of unless i use the pill shooter, and the pill shooter causes her to hiss at me, which makes me cry (actually, all of this makes me cry. a lot), and she's been throwing up and sitting in her litter box for about 18 hours. she has food that should make her liver stronger, but she won't eat it.
that's about all i can say right now... charlie brown opened tuesday and it's great, and it looks great. i can pick up my keys to the apartment on saturday, and hopefully start moving stuff in, but i don't know about being away from the cat that long... the weather's lovely. the lake is lovely. if that cat would just straighten up, it would all be fine.

AN ADDRESS

i don't know it yet, but i found it!
i mean, i sort of know it...my application hasn't been officially approved (so i'll wait to post my new info), but i found an apartment in minneapolis on friday. first ave south and 25th, a few blocks from the college of art and design and a block or two east of nicollet.
it's a brownstone, originally designed to be larger flats, now broken up so that mine has the original kitchen --small apt gas stove and fridge, but a GAS stove, good counter space, excellent storage, and black and white linoleum floor.... large living room space that i can divide up into a work space and a play space, a good sized bedroom and a claw foot tub. (and as my lanny says: you know what sucks about a cast iron tub? precisely nothing!).... radiator heat (included in rent) in each room... not heavy on closet space, but at least enough floor space to have dressers and cabinets and so on.
going to visit my cat in st.cloud on thursday to tell her we have a home, where there are no other cats and where she will hopefully resume eating...she refuses to come out from behind the entertainment center at the apt she's staying in, and has lost a lot of weight...today i had an errand at the pet store and the kitties almost made me cry. i know she'll be ok, she is eating, but it's still hard. i hope she forgives me.

charlie brown is moving along beautifully. i love the way it looks, with painted stripes and polka dots all very cartoony. if i ever figure out how to post pics, there'll be a parade of them --lake life, production shots, so on...

hope you're all well, more soon.

ho-oooooome!

("where my thoughts are keepin...")
i'll be home labor day weekend!
i'm coming in late on the 1st of september, i'll be there until the 6th... jodie's wedding is the 4th, and that's the reason i'll be back. it feels so good to know i'll be back before the year is up, i can't tell you.
on the here front, we opened the diary of anne frank last night. it's beautiful, i'm so proud of this one. it's really a relief given the way the first half of the season has gone.... i can't believe we're only here another four weeks. jacob has a job interview in st. louis next week, which will hopefully yield a great job with a school district in a nearby suburb as a sound a/v guy, with free lance design opportunities.
i, on the other hand, don't have any plans after the season is up on the 9th. i'm apartment hunting this weekend, hoping for an address to call my own. i'm surfing for jobs, holding my breath, starting to wonder about a day job. remember that time i swore i wouldn't do anything that wasn't design? heh.
so there's the latest....love to all, talk to you soon