not a rhetorical question. also, not a weather report

(altought outside the window a small terrier just went by wearing booties).

ok, here's the question, for survey, debate, or conversation....
what's the deal with the pressure you put on yourself?

do you find yourself hung up about where you are with your life or what you're doing in a moment or a friendship, and upon further inspection discover that the only reason you're angsty is because of some internal expectation or pressure?
and when that happens, and you acknowledge that it's a pressure or expectation of your own making, does it go away? and if not, why not? how is it that acknowledgement isn't enough to bring peace?

thoughts?

la la la!

the sun is out, the sky is blue, and i lied, the content of this blog apparently WILL be a weather report!
hahahahahahahaha!

coming down the pipe. or whatever

someone once corrected me and said that that expression is actually "coming down the pike", but as i don't live in a place with turnpikes, and can't imagine what a large whitefish has to do with it, i'll go with my version.

by april 1st, i will have opened four shows and been to the usitt conference in louisville. i may have mentioned that before, but let me just say that now that i'm in the process, and facing 40hours/week of work from a temp agency (data entry, for an adoption agency, starting maybe monday), i'm ASTOUNDED by it. the truth of the matter (which seems a little more evident, and upbeat, today that yesterday, or more accurately in this moment than in the ones on either side), is that i just spend three years living a minimum of 70hours/week of work. and frankly, the thing that was hardest for me from august until now was the lack of structure and busy-ness in my life. so here i go.

it's hard to even remember the chipperness with which i reported blue skies when i returned --it's grey, grey, grey, and although i have nothing to really complain about at 22degrees and warmer (i mean, this is january in the frozen north, it could and probably will be MUCH worse), i have to say that the grey grey grey, i am over. as i type, literally, a bright spot beams through the clouds. this is what passes for sun at this time of the year. 10 am, and peeping over the roof top of the three story building across the street is spot bright enough to blind you momentarily if you get too greedy and look too closely, but not bright enough to actually impart a smile or any vitamins.

all in all, though, it's ok. i'm busy, which i crave, and the days fly by toward visits with jacob and spring time weather. it will all work itself out. the first show to open is SCAPIN, which will be fun, and then SLAG HEAP, A PIECE OF MY HEART, and TANGO. there may be fewer posts until this insanity is over, but hopefully there will be pictures soon. can't wait to show you my work... in spite of how busy i am, and the fabulous tourism promotion i've just done, you should come visit. it's a great town no matter what time of year.... =)

from blue skies to blue skies....

from 50 degrees to 30...not that bad, all things considered.
from potholes to potholes and from too much going on to too much to do. and that's about where the similarities between california and minneapolis end...
it was a trip. a certifiable time...
thai food, good visits, shakin it in san jo and san francisco (peter's fabled pink lives up to its reputation for fine beats in a totally unpretentious atmosphere), christmas decorations, warm meals and great wine with friends from far and wide, RAIN, getting to show jacob my "natural habitat" (although it's been rightly stated that i don't have a natural habitat), the redwoods, the coast, the tidepools, the food, the reconnecting with long losts, the champagne toasts and new years kisses without the miles between, the arranging of sofa beds in the RAIN, the magic of sea ranch (where we're all adolescent, for better and worse, no matter how close to thirty we get), more thai food, bellying up to the bar at the peso drinking birthday jaeger with maya, willie brown at the globe and guiness creme brulee, pancakes and grilled cheese on a saturday....
happy new year

wrapping up

man, it's like a vacuum in here. for weeks the hive activity of exams has made it hard to find a seat in this cafe, and almost harder to draw a deep breath. today they must all be in classrooms expelling their knowledge, as it's wide open and chatty in my neighborhood caffinated office.
i've been busy getting ready to come home california on thursday, but not nearly as busy as this time of year usually finds me. i've an interview tonight, and a production mtg i've been busily designing for tomorrow night. found a technique with photoshop that i love and am very excited about.
the weather's been warmer recently, today it was 31 when i got up so i walked to the post office instead of driving. it's a little less than an hour round trip, and it felt good to do something outside besides scrape off my car and get in it. we're supposed to get 10 inches of snow by friday, but as long as it doesn't interfere with my plane i don't care.
let it snow!
let blow!
i'm going home where my toes will be warm!
anybody need anything, want anything, remember something i told you i'd bring with me? better let me know fast and hope there's room for it in the as yet unpacked duffle bag....

and, it's BELOW ZERO

at 11 am. with beautiful blue skies and lovely sunshine.
but none the less, it's below zero.

things are going reasonably well, a possible contract dispute is reportedly being worked out, and i'll be home for christmas soon. i mailed my applications to utah shakes and santa fe opera today, for summer employment. that at least makes me feel like i'm doing something for my self.
i have two shows lined up in the spring, one paying, one not (but so funny.... a modern translation of moliere's SCAPIN that is just clever and witty and rocks). and other than that i'm looking for income, trying to figure out what to do about the state of things here.
right now i think i'm placing unreasonable hope on the fact that when i come back in january the days won't be so short. yeah, that should fix everything.

CLOSE the SOA

i hope everyone's holiday was sweet and happy, and travels were safe.
i've been on the road an unprecedented amount the past two weeks. i went to st. louis, and louisville, with jacob to his family for thanksgiving, which was great.
the weekend prior i rode on a bus to georgia and back with Veterans for Peace to protest at Ft. Benning, where the US Army spends your tax dollars to run a school for foreign military. the imperialist notions that everyone should be like us should be reason enough to shut the place down, but the methods of torture, intimidation, and murder taught there have led to it's nickname of the School of the Assassins. you've heard of this place and its works, even if you haven't known it. 900 dead in el mozote; 6 Jesuits, their housekeeper and her daughter executed at the University of Central America; 4 churchwomen raped and butchered (more, admitadly propaganda-ized, information here)

here are photos of my trip... it was moving, and envigorating, even in the face of the horror you're trying to extinguish.

we left at 9:30am on friday, from the veterans' hospital in minneapolis. it was a 26 hour bus ride each way.


sunset in illinois (above) and sunrise in alabama:





saturday is an all day rally at the gates of Ft. Benning, and sunday morning there is a solemn procession, with the known names of victims read, while protesters carry crosses bearing names.




an organization i am honored to have been affiliated with...

the main gate, a focal point of the protest in years past, was covered by the Army during the day on Friday in order to thwart the protester's attempts to re-assign value to its symbols (you'll see in a moment how that worked out for them):




these buddhist monks walked 150 miles from atlanta

emily saliers of the indigo girls

from our bus, the mother and sister of mary swenson, a founding activist in the movement to close the SOA, who died this year.... and below, people from our minneapolis bus wait for the funeral procession to begin


i don't know these people, but their cranes were so vibrant and intense


hear the music? "this little light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine..." these women are nuns and sisters from our bus, and we got good and warm in the early morning mist on sunday

signs from both days....



(local response, although generally supportive and welcoming, has also generated a counter-protest in recent years, called "God Bless Ft. Benning Day" --this was the rearranged sign we passed on sunday morning)







sunday morning's funeral march....this is what 19,000 activists looks like.


the procession is lead by pallbearers and a puppet


followed by a reading of the names of victims. the crowd raises their crosses and responds: "Presente!"


the procession leads to the gates, where the pallbearers have become victims


even shrowded in Army-issue brown plastic, the gate becomes a monument to loss and hope:


as an act of civil disobedience, some protesters who have prepared for civil action, and had to travel a ways from the main gate, crawl under the fence. military police waited for them, cuffed and removed them from the area... one of the most moving stories i heard was of a blind man who crossed the line and how gentle the mps were with him

first minnesota snow!

yes, it's different than illinois snow. no, i'm not as excited about it as that exclamation point implies.
it snowed last night, and today it's twenty degrees with a stiff wind that must drop that figure significantly. my boots are warm, but also strange to walk and drive in as there's less ankle flexibility than...not wearing boots, i guess.
i've come to a new cafe today for internet access, the tea garden on hennepin, where there are indoor fountains on either side of the door bursting with fake lotuses and chrysanthemums. the tea is good, but the decor doesn't fool me, i know how cold it is out there.
to combat the cold (not really, i have better reasons) i've decided to go to georgia for the weekend, to participate in the protests there. i'll be gone from friday to monday, and turn around on tuesday to head to st. louis for a week over thanksgiving. two sets of travel, equally important emotionally but substantially different in content. it's recently occured to me that prior to grad school, there was more to my individuality than costume design (doesn't seem like much of an epiphany, but it was a pretty bright light to me) ...and as it's clear that i won't make a comfortable living off of design in this town this year, perhaps i can apply what my temp agency considers to be brilliant data entry abilities to an office i believe in. so i'm looking for paid (office type) work in the not-for-profit sector....suggestions would be welcome. i'm hoping the more than 24 hours of travel in a bus with the group Veterans for Peace will lead to some connections, whether profitable or otherwise. i'm looking forward to being able to meet people who will widen my experiences here in the cities.

ahhh, unemployment.

well... it's getting colder and more blustery, but no snow yet. actually, right now it's very nice out.
the weather's conducive to curling up in my dad's armchair and reading, and i've started both a collection of Kate Chopin's short stories (which i'm re-reading), and a book i bought a year ago but was somehow not in the right headspace for until now, "The Business of Theatrical Design" ...i'm not so far into yet, but i'm finding it interesting and useful.
everyone seems to be slowing down just a little and we're all reconnecting with each other --last sunday i ate with lora and lacy at this totally awesome st. paul place called "mickey's diner" and last night katie, courtney and jon took me to cleaveland wok for chinese. i was expecting "good, considering it's buffet" and it was just plain awesome. outstanding potstickers and garlic green beans. it's been good to feel not so overwhelmed that i can't talk to or see anyone.
now i just need some income!
this business of finding a way to be comfortable in my skin and happy in my work continues...somedays the path seems a little better lit than others, but overall it's ok.
how are you?

signs that it's cold and will be colder...

* squirrels have recently tripled in size. i swear i saw one take down a yorkshire terrier yesterday.
* you can see your breath until NOON (but you're so cool that you're still wearing a heavy sweater, scarf and cap, no coat)
* you can judge the hour by the shade and tone of the grey sky, you suddenly have the impression that you haven't seen any blue in days and days.
* it gets dark at five o'clock. (ok, not yet...the sun goes down at 5 though)
* you spend a pre-apportioned chunk of pay check on boots and do a little happy dance when zappos.com tells you you've been randomly selected for faster shipping.

ok, that list seems weak. i'll work on it. have to run now, but find some sunshine and send it to me!!!!

reviewed in CITYPAGES

i think this review is pretty concise.... of course, they weren't wearing any clothes, nor were the scenery, lighting or props significant. but nonetheless, it's a review...

thanks for the support, again.

yesterday i called opera theatre st.louis, and they have hired someone else for the position of costume design assistant. so someone else gets to go to st.louis and have my dream job....
on a brighter note, i got a parking space behind my building. so there you go.

phew.

heard from blue cross blue shield on saturday.... after a long bureaucratic road, i have health insurance. so thanks for holding your breath, or praying, or crossing your fingers, or dancing over chicken bones for me. now i can start wading through the next level of tape, red and otherwise...

here: (it's a biggun)

inspired by jenne's photographic chronicle of amsterdam, and the singularly outstanding weather on sunday, i bring you...my neighborhood: